Empowering You

Be forewarned. This article includes a few curse words and has one descriptive, kind of gross, incident. But I felt the need to include it to make my point. Empowering you! If you are willing to continue and ready to read with an open mind and heart….let’s go!

Have you heard the adage – Shit happens? It is very true. And it happened to me recently.  Literally.   I shit my pants.  I really did.

One morning, I decided to drink a tea that included a gentle laxative. Now, mind you, I am very regular and don’t need a laxative, but I wanted the fruity flavor the tea came in. And I naively thought the laxative wouldn’t affect me too badly. 

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Boy oh boy, was I wrong!  After I drank the tea, I had several bathroom pit stops throughout the day. And let me tell you, laxative tea really cleans you out!

Anyways, that evening, I was just leaving a meeting and about to head home when I felt the urge to use the restroom…again.  I chose to wait until I got home as I only live 4 minutes away. Well, the gurgling in my belly increased on the drive home. Do you know this feeling? Not fun! But I made it home. 

As I stepped out of the car, the intensity skyrocketed to the “I’m gonna explode” level.

I ran through the front door, throwing my keys on the floor as I rushed past my husband like a speed racer. I made it to the bathroom, but, alas, it was too late. Really??? At my age????

Yes, shit happens.  At any age!

Now why do I bring up this gross, yet very real incident and what the heck does it have to do with empowering you? 

You’re Not Alone

First, if a similar incident has ever happened to you, I want you to know you’re not alone.  And I betcha it has happened to more people than you think.  It’s just not a topic that is normally discussed over dinner or a date or ever.

And secondly, as the saying goes, shit really does happen. As we age. When the car won’t start. When you lose a job. But what exactly does this expression mean? According to the Free Dictionary, the definition of shit happens is “An acceptance of or resignation to unfortunate or difficult things in life over which one has no control”.

But do we really have no control over it?

Some things no, like acts of God or death, but others? I think we do.

Choices, Choices

Now I had a couple of choices.  I should have used the restroom at the meeting.  But I chose to wait until I got home. Bad choice. I also had the choice to either remain hush hush about this incident OR take this experience, learn from it and be open and honest about it by spilling it out to you to make a point. Choices, choices! 

After contemplating my options for a long while, I felt a strong urge to empower myself and share this embarrassing moment, much to the chagrin of my family. However, I was motivated by the thought that it might be helpful for at least one person.

And that has been my goal from the very beginning of this blog. To help others see a glimmer of hope, a new perspective, understanding or occasional laughter (hopefully more often than not) about aging.  And that thought overshadowed my reasoning to keep quiet.

So I decided to take the chance, even if I might be forever known as she-who-must-not-be-potty-trained (a Harry Potter reference).

Segue to Empowering You

Hence this is my segue to my main point of this article. Which is this. In life, shit happens. Literally (yes, we all do it as it’s a natural disposal). And figuratively (this is when the empowering you part kicks in).

So, let me ask you, how are you enjoying aging?

Do you feel like your looks, your health, your patience level, energy level, your future has taken a nosedive? Do you feel powerless? That there is nothing you can do and you have to accept it as part of growing long in the tooth?

Second question. What is your reaction to something that isn’t so positive and is difficult to overcome?

Really think about these questions. If something is bugging you about your situation and feels out of your control, is there nothing you can do? Or, maybe you don’t even know what to do or where to begin. Meanwhile it festers deep within you. I can guarantee you that sitting idle will not help.

You do have choices.

When things aren’t going your way, will you choose to feel badly about it and let it ruin your day or week or month or even your life?

Or, when life throws you a curveball, will you instead choose to don your catcher’s mitt, make the catch, and throw it out to win?

I choose the latter.  If you don’t like where you are in life, a particular situation, don’t settle. Rather empower yourself and figure out a way to change it or learn techniques to reframe it in your mind. Is it a teachable moment? Use your voice, ask questions, research for answers. Fight for it! Take risks and take charge.

Give Yourself Permission

Now, what do I mean about empowering you?

In Collins Dictionary, the definition of empower is “to give ability to; enable; permit”. That sounds much better than resigning yourself to accept things that you don’t like in your life.  Empowering you means to give yourself permission to take charge.

To enable yourself to make a change or decision on how you respond to any situation or circumstance thrown your way.  

The choices you make determine your path, your story. Don’t just sit back and let life happen to you. You are the writer of your story and the chapters within. So when shit happens, get up, dust yourself off and power on! Be the heroine. 

How will your story end? A happy one? Or will yours end with regret and thoughts of “If only I had…(you fill in the blank)”?

I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.”

– Lucille Ball

Woe is Me

I’ve felt discouraged many times. Especially with the pains of aging. And each time I would think to myself, “Is this the way it’ll be from now on?” or “Aging sucks!”  And I’d spiral down the “woe is me” path. Then, I’d get so fed up and disgusted with my misery and decide enough is enough.  

That’s when I empower myself to focus and figure out a solution to change it or reframe it in my mind.

For example, my skin was, in my opinion, looking dry and wrinkly. And I was absolutely frustrated.  I figured this is what naturally happens since I’m getting older.  However, I felt it was happening sooner than it should and none of my other friends’ skin looked bad.

Well, I did some research and asked a few of my girlfriends what they recommended. 

Here’s what I discovered.

I have always used a bar of soap when I shower.  Apparently that can be very drying for the skin due to high pH (power of hydrogen) levels. Just look at the soap scum that builds up on shower walls.

If it does that to the wall, just imagine what it does to your skin.  It leaves a residue that builds up and does not allow your skin to naturally peel.  The outcome? Dry skin.

So, with my new wealth of knowledge, and my friend’s suggestion, I switched to using a natural body wash and regular exfoliation. 

Wow!  What a difference I saw in just a few weeks.  My skin feels and looks much healthier and youthful. Not to mention, no more soap scum in the shower!

I had empowered myself to ask questions, research and take action. 

Keep An Open Mind

Is there something in your life you aren’t happy about and feel you can’t do anything to change? Are you absolutely sure about that?  Have you checked all the options, dotted all “i’s” and crossed all “t’s?

Just because you’ve done something a certain way forever, doesn’t mean it is the best way now. So keep an open mind.

For example: Do you have a positive outlook on life or are you a Negative Nelly?

If you want to be more positive, make it a habit to think about three things you are thankful for each day. Fresh air, a roof over your head, the beauty of nature. Take the glass half full approach, not the glass half empty. Keep it up and soon you’ll find yourself in positive spirits more often than not.

Are you going gray and hate it?  Color your hair or try a new hairstyle that accentuates your cheekbones.

Are you overweight? Make a pact to yourself to take your health seriously.  Then, take steps towards better habits by researching one simple change to begin or join a gym or buy a jump rope.

Do you dislike your job or need a job? Update your resume and create an account with LinkedIn to begin the process of finding a new career or even new training. Network with the people in your community and let them know you are ready for a career change.  You never know who they might know. And you are NEVER too old to reinvent you! Empower yourself!

With these thoughts in mind, here are six steps on how to empower yourself to make the change. You may have to step out of your comfort zone and that’s okay because that’s when change occurs.  

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

– Anaïs Nin

The 6 Steps

1. Clarity. Have a clear vision of what you want to change.  And visualize where you want to be and the steps you need to take to get there.  If you need to lose weight.  How much fat do you want to lose? 10 pounds? 30 pounds? Be exact. And envision your new self in that wonderful pantsuit you’ve been eyeing. 

2.  Be open and honest with yourself. Is losing weight hard? Why? Is it because you were traumatized in your youth and wanted to keep people at a distance? Therefore you built a protective barrier with layers of fat so others couldn’t get too close? Honestly recognize what the underlying issue might be.

3.  Believe in yourself and your strong “why”. That’s what will get you through the tough times when temptation sets in. Why do you want to lose weight? Is it because you want to be able to play in the park with your grandchildren? Or the frightening thought of if you don’t take care of your health, you might not be around long enough to see your child(ren) get married or even meet your future grandchildren. Find your absolute reason why you want to make that change.  And that reason must be gut-wrenching and powerful.

3 More Steps

4.  Remain positive and surround yourself with positive people. Think positive, encouraging thoughts. You are your own harshest critic, so, why not instead, be your own biggest, best advocate. High five yourself! Pat yourself on the back! And when it gets tough, connect with your support network for help. Reaching for that bag of chips? Instead, drink a glass of water, call your friend to meet you for a walk or to chit chat until the urge passes. 

5.  Set your goal.  You have a clear vision of what you want to change. The reason you want to change and you have people cheering you on.  Now set that goal.  By what date do you want to lose weight?  Is there a reunion coming up? And you want to look and feel your very best?  Write that goal date on your calendar.

6.  Take action. Research, ask questions, then create your action plan and DO it!  What micro steps do you need to take to reach your goal? One less soda a week? Learning healthier cooking options? These small steps, done regularly, lead to big changes. 

Empowering You

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

– Mae West

With that quote from Mae West in mind, it makes perfect sense to live your life your way.  Remember, you are in charge of it. So, when shit happens, take the reins, empowering you to lead the way towards the path of discovery, resolution, and victory. 

I believe in YOU! I am rooting for you! I know you can do it, no matter how messy it may get.

After my gross incident, I chose to empower myself to share my voice about it and to learn my lesson.  Which is this.  I absolutely, positively cannot drink tea with a laxative. And that’s the fact, Jack!

Cheers!

Kathleen

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